June.
For some reason, I started getting unusually irritated.
I wondered if this was what people meant when they said the negative things stored inside you start coming out, but it was hard to control my emotions.
And of course, it had to be that kind of month when my PMS, which I hadn’t had badly in a while, came back hard.
I started feeling like nothing was going right.
There was a spiritual website that Gyu — Archangel Michael — had been showing me.
When I read through it a little, it seemed to be a site that offered free remote healing.
Apparently, if you applied in the comment section, all you had to do during the healing period was “declare” that you would receive it, and then you could receive the healing.
Negative emotions were pouring out of me one after another, and I didn’t know what to do with them.
Out of sheer desperation, I signed up for the remote healing.
Right away, I tried declaring,
“I receive the healing.”
The moment I said the last sound of “receive,” I could feel my breathing change.
I slowly breathed out, and for a second I thought, Wait, am I going into meditation?
But that wasn’t quite it. The exhale was shorter than I expected, and then it shifted into an inhale.
And that inhale was different from usual.
At the same time as I breathed in, something came in with it.
What is this?
Something really, really pleasant is coming in—!
It feels… so good…!!!
It came this quickly after the declaration?!
How is this system even working? This is magic, right? Magic!!
Anyway, it felt good.
That good feeling continued for ten to fifteen minutes.
The irritation gently faded away.
I had reached for it out of desperation, but what I ended up receiving was something incredible — something I had never seen or heard of before.
Around that time, I happened to see something on some spiritual blog that said something like, “Until the summer solstice, release the subconscious mind.”
The subconscious mind.
The subconscious mind, huh.
I still couldn’t quite understand what that meant.
Is “astral travel” a journey into the subconscious mind?
Is that “flying”?
Or is it “diving”?
Then, if I go to outer space through astral travel, is that universe inside me? Or outside me?
I was thinking about things like that while doing housework.
I opened the closet and was about to take out a box.
I bent down, looking downward.
And by chance, at the exact moment I bent down and looked down, my breath was in an “exhale.”
Just like when Gyu turns on the meditation switch for me, my breathing started slowing down on its own.
And I thought,
Ah. I might be able to dive.
Maybe I’ll just go like this.
Maybe I’ll try “diving by myself.”
If “flying” and “diving” lead to different places, or if the destination is the same either way — maybe I should find out.
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.
The exhale.
Still crouched in front of the closet, my hands holding both sides of the box, I consciously breathed out slowly.
Oh. I’m not getting uncomfortable.
Maybe I can do this.
When I finished exhaling, I held it for just a moment, then gently began to inhale.
As I inhaled, somehow, I shifted into a cross-legged sitting position.
Come to think of it, this breathing always starts with an exhale.
With that first exhale, my consciousness drops waaaaay down.
That first exhale is always the longest, and during that breath alone, I feel like I’m already seventy to eighty percent in a meditative state.
For a second I thought, What should I do about grounding?
But then I decided, Well, I’m “diving” right now, so whatever, and skipped it.
I closed my eyes, opened a hole in the darkness, and jumped into it.
As I slowly drifted downward, I was thinking.
I haven’t been doing well lately.
I’ve been irritated.
I was in a reckless mood.
Fine.
I’ll go as far as I can.
Even if what’s down there is darkness, I don’t care.
I kept going down.
Down and down.
Farther and farther downward.
Huh.
It’s actually pretty deep.
“I’m going all the way to the bottom.”
I thought that strongly in my mind as I descended.
Thump.
My feet touched the ground.
It was a rocky cave.
Dark.
When I looked carefully, I seemed to be standing in the middle of a fork inside the cave.
The path split into five directions.
Uh… which way should I go?
Maybe I’ll just pick one randomly.
The very moment I thought that—
Someone grabbed me firmly by the back from above and pulled me up.
I rose higher and higher.
Whoa, fast.
“You went too far, idiot.”
I heard a voice.
And I saw large, powerful white wings.
Only Gyu calls me an idiot, so even without seeing his face, I knew who it was.
When we finished rising back up, Gyu muttered,
“Diving, huh…”
I felt the same way.
I thought it too.
Don’t underestimate “diving.”
Compared to “flying,” diving is so easy.
When I think of “flying,” first I have to try hard to get out of my body, or I have to ground myself, and I still haven’t really flown anywhere on my own.
Someone — mostly Gyu — always takes me.
But with “diving,” all I have to do is open a hole in the darkness, jump in, and whoosh.
Easy. So easy.
But.
In the end, what exactly was that rocky cave?
Do “flying” and “diving” lead to different places?
Or do they lead to the same place?
Since I was pulled back, I never found out.